Loving a Man Who Forgot Me Novel Chapter 58
I shifted on the couch and lifted my head off Jason’s chest, unable to avoid the nagging in my mind any longer.
I’d spent the last hour working up the nerve to ask him what was wrong, and if I didn’t just get it out now, I’d spend another hour worrying about why he’d hardly spoken since we left the party.
“You’re unusually quiet tonight, what’s up?” I asked softly. He slowly peeled his eyes away from the sitcom we were watching well, that he was watching—and tipped his gaze down at me. “I could ask you the same thing.”
I chewed the inside of my lip and our gazes remained locked while I tried to figure out what to say. “We should have skipped the party,” I finally muttered.
“Why? So I wouldn’t see the weird looks between you and Abel?” His tone wasn’t accusing, only curious.
“Jason . . .”
“Abbi, please don’t lie to me. That’s all I ask. I have eyes. I can see it’s not nothing. You’ve been weird and tense since his wife showed up at the party, and it seemed like you two might have had a moment or something back there when you were both missing from the party.”
I sat up straight. “Jason, nothing happened, please believe me.” “I do, Abbi, but something is up.”
I blew out a heavy breath. “You’re right. It’s not nothing. Abel and I . . . we’re complicated. We’ll probably always be complicated. We have history. Intense history. More than you know.”
His hand snaked out and tucked my hair behind my ear, lingering to graze my cheek. “I get it. I do.
But are you sure that’s all it is? Because if I’m being honest, and I hope you’ll be honest with me too, I think the guy is still in love with you. The question is, what do you want?” I can’t do this anymore.
Tell him. The guilt was too much. He was asking me for honesty and he deserved it. I swallowed dryly and drew in a bolstering breath. My voice shook when I let it out and said, “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Jason’s expression dimmed. “Has something happened between you two since he came to town?” I shook my head. “Do you remember when I told you I wanted to take a break?” “How could I forget?” he said grimly.
“He’s the reason I needed the break.” “Something happened between you two then?” “Yes,” I whispered. “But then we got back together . . .” he said slowly. “Abel was a mistake,” I muttered weakly.
He exhaled deeply, “Are you sure? What is it you really want, Abbi?” “I want you,” I croaked. “I want to be with you. I should have told you the truth sooner, but I was so scared of losing you. I’m still scared I’m going to lose you.”
“If that’s truly what you want, then I don’t need to know anything else.” I crumbled, blinking back tears. “That’s not fair to you. You deserve to know everything that happened. I’m not good enough for you, Jason. I’m so, so sorry. I’m a horrible person.”
He smiled sadly and swiped his thumb under my eye, catching the tear that escaped. “No, you’re not. I know who you are, Abbi.
You’re a kind, sweet, beautiful person with a huge heart. So, if your past is really in the past, and you want to leave it there and move forward with me, I can live with that.” “But how can you ever trust me?”
He cupped my face in his hands and pressed his lips to my forehead, murmuring, “I told you, I know who you are.” He pulled back, and leveled his gaze with mine, still holding my face. “You’re not a liar. And you’re not a cheater,” he put extra emphasis on that last part.
“That’s not who you are.” I squeezed my eyes shut to keep more tears from leaking out. “I knew you had baggage when I asked you out. Over and over. And you said no over and over. I could see you were hurting. It didn’t take a genius to figure out it was from a broken heart.
You obviously loved him a lot. I may not like it, but nobody can judge you for that. If I want to forgive you, that’s my choice. You don’t get to decide if you deserve it or not.” “But why?” I asked hoarsely.
“I thought that was obvious. I love you, and if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you’re letting go now, that it’s me you want to be with, with no regrets or doubts, then as far as I’m concerned there doesn’t need to be any more apologies or tears.”
I blinked through the tears. “How did I find you?” His smile widened. “I was waiting for you, gorgeous.” He pulled me into his arms, and I went, willingly melting into his warm embrace. He kissed the top of my head and we stayed that way for a long time.
I’m not sure either of us was paying attention to the show on TV, but we laid there in front of it nonetheless, until finally, Jason shut it off and took us to bed. I lay snuggled under the blankets, tucked into his chest, and I felt safe and good and at ease. The weight of guilt and shame was lifted. I was in awe and so incredibly grateful for the way he loved me.