Loving a Man Who Forgot Me Novel Chapter 32
He drew back. “Funny how you didn’t seem overly concerned with what you owed him last time I stood in this same spot.
Math was never my strong suit, but if tonight was your ten-month anniversary” “Don’t,” I hissed, stabbing my finger at him.
“Don’t you dare. You don’t have any right to judge me or be angry.” “Yet you do?” “I’m not the one who did this, Abel.
I’m not the one who lied.” “So it’s all my fault?” he sputtered. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“What have we been doing for the last eight years, Abbi? It’s been nothing but a bunch of lies, and why? It wasn’t what I wanted.
Do you even remember the first time I showed up at your dorm room and threw myself at your feet? I begged you.
All I wanted was you back. I wanted us back. You said no.
Our arrangement, or whatever you want to call it was your idea.
Seeing each other in secret, pretending to be friends for our families, stealing moments here and there a few times a year.
No promises. No commitments. Together when we were together, but not when we weren’t. Isn’t that how you put it? Anything else, anything more, was off limits, and then I was supposed to just go back to New York each time, back to my life.
I just did what you wanted,” he shouted hoarsely. “The same way I did when you ended it last year. Clearly it didn’t take you long to move on, but I’m the one who ruined everything.”
A bitter laugh flew from my lips and I threw my hands up. “You think that’s what I wanted? That any of this is what I wanted? You think I wanted to be glorified fuck buddies?” He flinched, but I didn’t miss a beat.
“Funny how I don’t remember you trying all that hard to change my mind. Seemed our arrangement suited you just fine. I was protecting myself, for all the good that it did. You’d show up here when it was convenient for you. When you were struggling.
When you were feeling lost. When you missed me or needed me. And I was stupid enough to open the door for you every time.” I hadn’t been capable of telling him no. I was too weak to shut the door in his face. It was a sick sort of co-dependency we had.
“And you did exactly what I expected every time. You snuck out of bed in the middle of the night, and I woke up alone. I always woke up alone, because that’s what you do. You leave.
And then I’d see you on TV or on some magazine cover or online blog with whoever was next in your steady stream of actresses, models, singer, and socialites. That’s why I said no promises. And still you had to go and make them, and I believed you, because that’s what I do.
I believe you even though I know better.” “Dammit, Abbi,” he cursed. “Those girls . . . you can’t believe everything you see. It’s all a big publicity game. And I left before you woke up every time because saying goodbye would have been impossible, and you insisted that’s how it had to be.”
My heart constricted. “Maybe we both screwed this up, but I didn’t lie. I didn’t make a promise I didn’t mean.” “I didn’t either, Abbi. I didn’t lie. You don’t understand. Please let me explain.” “Why? Will it make you not married anymore? Is that just a publicity stunt too?”
He winced. “Thought so.” His eyes became pleading. “Abbi, please just let me come in. There’s so much you don’t know.” “And I don’t want to know. Whatever was between us is over. It has to be,” I croaked. “Just looking at you hurts me, Abel.
It physically hurts, and it’s hard to breathe. I feel like I’m dying and I. Need. You. To. Go.” He gently took my face in his hands. “Abbi,” he breathed my name, the warmth of it fluttering across my lips. “I’m dying too, and I have been every single day for two months.
It will never be over between us, but she’s pregnant.” “What?” I jerked my head away and stumbled backward, catching myself on the door.
“She’s pregnant and I didn’t have a choice. Please let me come inside so I can explain.” I shook my head, hot tears pooling behind my eyes. Pregnant? She was having his baby. How did he think telling me this was going to make anything better? It felt worse, like everything inside of me was being wrung and crushed and I just wanted to curl up into a ball.
“Abbi?” he whispered. I jerked my head side to side. “How could you?” The strangled words forced their way out, barely audible, but he heard them. His eyes squeezed shut and he dug one hand into his hair, pulling on it.