Loving a Man Who Forgot Me Novel Chapter 30
That’s why I couldn’t walk away. I couldn’t start this car and leave, even though it might be the right thing to do.
The right thing? I snorted and chuckled dryly to myself, meeting my own eyes in the rearview.
Be honest asshole, you’re not capable of doing the right thing when it comes to her. Did I even know what the right thing was anymore?
The day after Abbi walked out of my room, I walked out of her life.
Took my finals, didn’t even walk with my graduating class, just packed up my shit and left for New York.
Better than dragging out some horrible goodbye. Or seeing her sad face in those halls and not being able to leave at all.
As much as I loved Abbi, there was this part of me that needed to go. And by going I ripped myself in two.
I made a choice I never should have made, and by the time I tried to fix it, it was too late. We were already on this course.
I often imagined the other one. The road not taken as they say. Played it over and over in my mind. The movie of what could’ve been.
What should’ve been. There was a house. Not this one. A big one with lots of rooms. It had a red door.
Abbi was obsessed with the fantasy of a red door. And it would have a big fenced yard. Maybe a dog, or maybe five knowing Abbi.
It was so clear to me. I didn’t even have to try hard to picture it. Instead of awards and platinum records on the walls, there would be wedding photos, and probably weird paintings of nothing that made sense because Abbi liked abstract art.
Instead of clubs and parties and after parties, there would be baby showers and birthday parties and if I was really lucky, tea parties. Instead of too fast, too expensive cars, there would be ones with big back seats and high safety ratings.
No endless amounts of booze and waking up in swanky hotel suites trying to piece together the night before. I’d wake up next to her.
The glamour and the party life had seemed so enticing once upon a time, but now, that other life was what I dreamed of. No models, actresses, and pop stars. No Katya. I never would have met her. It would have only been Abbi. It should have only been Abbi.
Settling down didn’t scare me the way it had then. I’d thought I needed to leave to really experience all life had to offer, but now I knew that it was empty. It was never going to be enough.
There was no level of fame, no amount of money or awards that could take the place of the most vital thing that was missing, and it was finally sinking in that I could lose her forever. There might be no fixing this. No getting forgiveness. No making things right.
Just the thought of it was fundamentally wrong. Somehow, we were always supposed to find our way back to each other. I’d always believed that’s how this story would end. We were supposed to be epic. Like a song. Only, I was now realizing how stupid that was.
There was always some other guy waiting to give your girl a happily ever after if you were too stupid to get it right the first time. I had to believe they weren’t that serious. Maybe it was wishful thinking. Fuck, I should probably leave. Drive away right now before I hurt her anymore. Just go home.