Loving a Man Who Forgot Me Novel Chapter 28
“There’s this whole other world out there for you, one that I’m not going to be a part of.”
I grabbed her hand. “You’re always going to be part of my world. You are my whole world.”
She shook her head and tugged her hand free. “No.
I’m going to be here, going to college, and you’re going to be chasing your dream all over the world.”
I’d been thinking the same thing all weekend, wracking my brain for a way to make it work, but hearing her voice those fears out loud made me desperate.
“Abbi, you know my dreams have always included you.”
More tears poured like a river down her face. “Maybe you only think that because we’ve only been with each other.”
“What are you saying?” I asked hoarsely.
“You hooked up with someone else, Abel. On some level that must mean you want to know what else is out there.”
“It doesn’t matter what else is out there, because you’re right here. I made out with her and it got carried away, but I promise it was nothing,” I argued and grabbed her hand, squeezing it too tightly. I couldn’t help it. She couldn’t do this.
“If you really believed that, you wouldn’t have touched her.”
“Please don’t do this.” My throat constricted, strangling my words. My eyes filled with hot pools of moisture.
“I didn’t do this. You did.”
“No,” I shook my head furiously.
“Abel, if we can’t be honest with each other, then what we have doesn’t mean anything.”
“I am being honest. What do you want me to say or do to prove that I love you, that you’re everything to me?”
“You don’t have to prove it, but can you honestly say you haven’t thought about what it would be like to live your dream out, and be a rock star, with the freedom of not being attached to anything or anyone here? Without having to worry about a girlfriend back home.”
I was silent. I wanted to deny it, but she’d asked for honesty, and the truth was I had thought about it.
Not because I wanted freedom from Abbi, but how would it work with her here and me . . . wherever in the world I’d be night after night? This deal was the life-changing kind, but it wouldn’t come easy.
I’d have to bust my ass, and give everything to my music, not to mention that it meant I could end up touring all over the world, so damn far from Boston. And Abbi.
How could I give the label one-hundred percent and pour everything into the music if I was trying to give her one-hundred percent as well? And she deserved all of me, not just scraps. And she would be going to college . . . how could it possibly work?
And if it didn’t, what would that do to us down the road? Those were the thoughts that had plagued me since the label put the offer on the table and the reality of what it would really mean hit me. It was that dread that had driven me to get drunk at that party and . . .
“You can’t, can you?” she whispered miserably. It was on the tip of my tongue to deny it, to tell her she didn’t know what she was talking about, but I swallowed it back, and instead choked out, “I love you.”
“I know,” her voice broke. “I love you so much.” So much that it was shredding my insides. “But . . . we’re only eighteen, and what if. . .” God, it hurt to say it. “What if, I’m just holding you back?” She looked away and I felt it in that moment, the tearing of something vital from inside me.
“No, God no, but what if I hold you back? What if I stop you from living your life because you’re always waiting on me to come back? What if we’re supposed to let go and have separate adventures? Just for a little while? Learn, and grow, and experience life in a way we never have . . .”
She bit down on her lip and her shoulders began to shake harder with her silent cries.