Loving a Man Who Forgot Me Novel Chapter 35
“Not back Abbi,” he slid to his knees in front of me.
“I know we can’t change anything that’s happened, but there has to be a way for us to get past it.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and sucked in a deep breath, letting it out. “There is, but not together.
I can’t even think about it, Abel. I have a good thing with Jason.”
He grabbed my hands. “Abbi, you and me, we’re more than something good.”
“I’m sorry. I won’t wait for you anymore. I spent eight years waiting.”
He squeezed my hands and touched his forehead to my lap.
I wanted to run my hands through his hair, hold him and make it better, because his hurt was my hurt, but I couldn’t.
I just sat there while the pieces of my heart I’d worked so hard to put back together time and time again, cracked and split apart.
I squeezed my eyes tightly against the tears that threatened to spill.
His hands let go of mine and I sucked in a deep breath as he picked his head up.
“Okay,” he whispered and rose to his feet. I hung my head, staring at the worn carpet that needed replacing, as my eyes became blurry.
I focused on breathing in and out even though it hurt to do so.
“Abbi.”
I lifted my head. He’d stopped at the front door. “I’m sorry for coming tonight. I mean, I’m not, because I think we both needed to say what we did, but I am sorry for causing you more pain.
I’m sorry for being such a selfish asshole and putting you through this. I know I had no right.” He blew out a breath and his shoulders dropped. “Just be happy, Abbs. That’s all I want for you.”
“I want that for you too.” My voice wavered and cracked. “I’m always going to love you, Abel. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t, I just can’t love you like that anymore.”
He nodded like he understood, but I could see the misery on his face, and it didn’t feel good at all. I thought I wanted him to hurt like I hurt, but now I just wanted both our pain to be eased. “We’re forever, Abbs.
Maybe not the way we thought we’d be, but we’re always going to be in each other’s lives.” I wiped at my eyes and nose. “We just have to figure out how.” Without the sex and pain and heartbreak and tears.
He ruffled a hand over his already ruffled hair. “My Mom’s throwing together a last-minute birthday dinner for me on Sunday. You could come and we could start there.” “You really think that’s a good idea? So soon?”
He shrugged. “Nash and Jesse are driving up from the city in the morning with Addie. You can even bring Coach Charming.” I snorted, “I don’t think dragging him to my ex-boyfriend’s birthday dinner is the best place to introduce him to everyone.”
“I would’ve thought you’d brought him round to one of the family barbecues or get-togethers by now.” “Don’t,” I warned him. “If you want us to be anything, let alone friends, don’t weigh in on my relationship.”
He held his hands up. “Okay, you’re right I’m sorry. Just please come.” “Why would you even want me there, Abel? I think time is the best thing for us now.” He squeezed the back of his neck and shifted on his feet. “I’ve never spent a birthday without you, Abbi.”
It was true. Twenty-five of them and I’d been there for every one, but I didn’t know when I’d be able to look at him again and not feel this overwhelming sense of shame and loss and devastation and finality “I’ll think about it.”
“Okay.”
When he left, I breathed out a heavy sigh and walked into the kitchen, straight to the fridge where I had a couple bottles of Corona Jason liked to drink when he was over.