Loving a Man Who Forgot Me Novel Chapter 16
“Mom, I have to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it.”
She drew in a deep breath and I don’t think she let it out until I finished.
“Oh, Abel,” she said sadly. “Why would you keep it a secret?” She grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.
“I just didn’t know how to tell you that I screwed up. I screwed up bad, and this is the only way I know how to fix it, but everything feels so wrong. Like no matter what I do it just keeps getting worse.”
She was silent a minute, and then she said, “I wish I had some advice that would make it all better, but I don’t. We all get a little lost sometimes.”
“I got more than a little lost. You would be so disappointed in the way I’ve been living my life. I really let you and Dad down.”
“You haven’t let us down. It’s going to be okay, and you’re going to get through this. You’ve just got to have a little faith.” Faith.
“I wish I did, but I just don’t see how it’s going to be okay.” No matter what, I would lose something I didn’t want to lose.
“Sometimes the only way to find your faith is to get a little lost. Life’s most effective teacher is often pain, because it seems to be the only way we learn those hard lessons. But until you find your faith again, you can borrow mine. I’ve got enough for the both of us.”
“That, I believe.” She squeezed my hand again and then let go. “Age is one of life’s other funny, and harsh teachers.
With it comes wisdom. There have been so many times in my life I didn’t see how it was ever going to be okay again. When I lost your grandmother. The night I got my scars.” I swallowed hard. No kid should have to see his mother marred by the kinds of scars she wore.
The kind put there by a knife and a sadistic bastard long before I was born. “When I ran away from home,” she continued, not shying away from her painful past. “When I came back. When I met your fool of a father who was so much like you it’s not even funny.
When I got sick and wasn’t sure if I was going to be around to see you and your sister grow up.” Fuck, the thickness in her voice, made my throat tight and my chest heavy. I ducked my eyes. If she wasn’t going to cry, I wasn’t going to.
Mom had been through so much, and I was pretty sure I didn’t even know everything. Some things she and Dad just didn’t talk about, but she was a lot stronger than I was. “But here we are.” I tipped my chin up to see her smiling.
“We have your brother, and I just think back to what my mom always used to tell me; you don’t have to know how it’s going to get better, you just have to believe that it will.” “Sounds a lot like you.” Mom just had this way of making me feel like things were okay even when they weren’t.